Simplia was glued to her favorite segment of the Rocky and Bullwinkle reruns she tuned into religiously every Friday afternoon. Even the juddering “doi-oi-oi-oing” of a dagger flung at the front door wasn’t enough to tear her away.
Sagacia peered cautiously out the front windows to make sure no one lurked on the porch or in the peonies. When she ascertained the coast was clear, she opened the door, quickly removed the dagger and the letter impaled upon it, and brought them both inside.
“Somebody’s bent on making a point,” she said, and sat down to watch the end of the Fractured Fairy Tale that so engrossed her friend.
When Happily Ever After finally happened and the credits rolled for “Leaping Beauty,” Simplia got up to make some tea while Sagacia unfolded the letter.
“It is the magical third of the month,” one of them remarked. “We knew a missive would be arriving. We just didn’t know quite when or how. What’s it say?”
The writer had used parchment for stationery, and, apparently, ink and and quill for writing. They could barely make out the words for all the flourishes and squiggles surrounding them. Here’s what they read:
Dear Vasilisa the Wise —
I’m shocked! Shocked, I tell you. It’s bad enough that Hollywood and Disneyland have hijacked the fairy tale canon I grew up with and turned some of my favorite stories into … I don’t know … teen gothics, “Twilight” without the fangs, paeans to the Goddess Anorexia.
What happened to Standards, Vasilisa? What about the Integrity of the Canon? And what about your own minions indulging themselves in this bastardization. I know for a fact that they are great fans of the works of A. J. Jacobs. “Fractured Fairy Tales,” indeed!
Doesn’t this frivolity, this trivialization of deep lore, need to stop? Is nothing sacred?
I am sincerely
Outraged in Oswego
When the Simpletons had finished reading the letter Sagacia said, “Oh dear. It appears we’ve been party to sacrilege.”
Simplia said, “Before we start doing penance or practicing abstinence, let’s see what our Magical Friends at the Fairy Tale Lobby think about using old stories to spin off new ones.”